TMNT: Scared
by Superfluous-Slytherin
Summary: Raph is afraid. He has never felt like this before. His brother lays on the floor because of him. The weapons in his hands grow heavy. Raph could have killed him. Raph is scared. Scared of himself. (One-shot)


**Hey guys! It's tmnt time! This is the first one I am doing so I hope you like it. Btw I wrote some of this from the way I felt when I hurt my sibling. I didn't hurt them badly, but we were on the trampoline, she knocked into me, I pushed her, and she fell over the edge and it knocked to breath out of her and gave her a bruise. So ya I made Raphs worse. Sorry Raphie!**

 **Don't judge me XD I'm in love with Raph.**

 **Raph: wow really? *raises eyebrow***

 **Me: *blushes* YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO HEAR THAT!**

 **Raph: *shrugs* oh well sister.**

 **Mikey: I can't believe you like hot head!**

 **Me: That's it, Mikey, leave! Raph, do the disclaimer please.**

 **Raph: WarriorNinjaRed owns nothing except the plot.**

 **Me: I wish I owned you.**

 **Raph: Wait so is this why your name has Ninja RED in it?**

 **Me: *sweats nervously* ON WITH THE STORY!**

Raph sighed as Leo took down Donnie easily. Mikey sat beside him, holding his head from where Raph had hit him.

"Very good Leonardo." Master splinter praised. _-of course he compliments Fearless-_ Raph thought with a growl.

"Donatello, next time focus on the fight at hand, not what might happen." Donnie bowed and Raph stood and pulled out his Sai.

"Let us try not to put another hole in the wall." Splinter warned.

Raph smirked as Leo pulled his katana out. Sensei nodded and Raph leapt forward.

Mikey gasped as Raph struck at Leo's face, only to be barely blocked by a katana.

Raph growled and swung his other Sai at Leo, barely missing as he ducked.

Donnie watched, his arm brushing Mikey's, as the fight between his brothers got fiercer.

Raph swung his Sai, and as Leo ducked, he swung out his leg and knocked him down. Leo gasped and rolled as Raph tried to leap into him.

Leo panted and swung his katana, hitting Raph's shell. Raph growled and twisted, knocking aside one katana and throwing a Sai at Leo's head. Leo flipped, dropping his other katana in the process. Raph grabbed the Sai and leapt, kicking Leo against the wall.

Leo lay there as Raph breathed hard. When Leo made no move to get up, Donnie raced to him.

"Raphael!" Splinter scolded, running to his eldest son. Raph backed away from Leo, staring at his hands in fear. Mikey looked up from Leo and saw him start shaking. He was about to ask what was wrong when Leo groaned.

As Leo pushed himself up, He mumbled, "Did anyone stop the train the hit me?"

Mikey laughed as Donnie helped him up. "That train was Raph." Leo turned to look at Raph, who was staring at him in horror. "I….. Leo I didn't mean…"

Leo frowned as Raph stuttered. "It's ok Raph. I'm no worse off."

Raph shook his head and took another step back. "No I could have…"

Mikey smiled, trying to comfort his brother. "Dude it's ok! He's fine!"

Raph turned and stared at him. "No Mikey I could have hurt him!" Raph took another step back as he dropped his twin Sai. "I….. I gotta go."

Before anyone could react, he raced down the tunnels. "Raphael!" Splinter yelled as he disappeared.

The other 3 brothers stared in shock as he left. After a moment, Leo blinked and realized what happened. He started towards the door, only to be stopped by Donnie.

"Let me go Don!" Leo demanded as Donnie looked at the back of his head. Donnie sighed and pressed the spot where he hit. Leo yelped and Donnie winced. "Sorry!"

After checking that Leo didn't have a concussion, Donnie grabbed his fallen Katanas and Mikey grabbed Raph's Sai.

Leo grabbed them and started into the sewers, Donnie and Mikey on his heels.

* * *

Raph paced the rooftop, muttering as he thought back to the fight.

"How could I have been so stupid? I could have hurt him!"

Raph reached for his Sai, then remembered they were on the dojo floor. He growled and turned, punching the wall with all his might. He sucked in a breath as he felt his knuckles start bleeding.

He sank down to the ground and lay his head on his knees.

"I can't stop." He said, breathing roughly. "I have to stop. I can't let myself hurt anyone!" He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. He heard a shuffle and opened his eyes.

"If that's Fearless I'm really gonna kill him." He growled before blinking away the feeling. Instead, 20 foot clan robots climbed up the side of the building.

"Well, look who came for a butt kickin." Raph snarled, standing and staring at the ninjas.

He snarled as one lunged forward, slamming into his shoulder. He fell back with a groan and punched the soldier in the face, causing his bleeding knuckles to bleed more, before throwing him off. He leapt to his feet and saw that the lead ninja was pointing a strange gun looking thing at him.

He growled and charged, only to be stopped by several others. As he threw them off, he felt a sharp pain in the back of his neck. He turned and growled as the foot clan retreated.

He stared in confusion, :Why are they retreating so easily?: he wondered.

He turned around to see Leonardo standing there, staring. "Bout time you showed up." Raph grumbled.

"I didn't think you'd survive." Leo smirked.

Raph glared as he reached and grabbed his Sai. He didn't hesitate to wonder how he had it back, he simply swung at Leo, expecting him to duck. Instead his Sai lodged itself in Leo's neck.

Raph cried out in horror as Leo collapsed into his arms. He closed his eyes as his brothers blood pooled in his arms.

"Raph?"

Raph's eyes snapped open. Leo was no longer in his arms. He whirled around to see him standing there with Mikey and Donnie.

Raph's eyes grew wide with horror as he saw his brothers standing there. "No! No!" Raph cried, clutching his head. "Why?"

His three brothers stared at him as he collapsed to the ground. "Donnie! What's wrong with him?" Leo demanded.

Donnie glanced at Raph quickly and saw a dart sticking out of his neck. "The foot shot him with something. It's making him go crazy!"

Leo took a step forward, but fell back as Raph screamed. "Do you have anything that can help him?" Mikey asked breathlessly.

Donnie nodded and pulled out a small needle. Mikey looked at him in fear but Donnie smiled reassuringly. "It's just a sedative."

Donnie ran forward and pressed the needle into Raph's arm. He growled and lunged, only to fall on his face. Leo pulled him closer and Raph's eyes glazed over. "I promise I didn't mean to Leo." He mumbled as the sedative pulled his eyes closed.

* * *

Raph growled and lunged forward. The ninja before him dodged easily, causing Raph to become frustrated. He tried to focus on the figure, but it was rapidly switching between his 3 brothers.

Raph threw one of his Sai, an easy dodge, and expected it to go into the wall.

Instead, it lodged itself in between the figures temples. Raph cried out as the figure collapsed into his arms. He felt tears running down his face as he watched Mikey, then Donnie and then Leo die in his arms.

The figure kept switching, forcing Raphael to watch his brothers deaths over and over. Eventually, it stopped on Leonardo.

Raphael scrambled back in shock as Leo said, "Common Raph!"

Leo's body faded before him but he could still hear his voice, echoing all around him. "Common Raph."

* * *

"Common Raph."

Raph twitched his eyes open with a groan as the light blinded him. He blinked for a moment, before focusing on Leonardo's face above him.

Raph let out a tortured scream, scrambling backwards and falling off of the bed. Leo was beside him in an instant, trying to sooth Raph as he screamed again.

"No Leo! I didn't mean to! It was an accident!" Mikey and Donnie rushed into the room, causing Raph to grab his head. "No no no! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!"

They watched in horror as Raph broke down and cried. Mikey eased himself down onto the floor beside him and whispered, "it's ok Raphie."

Raph shook his head and pushed Mikey away weakly. "No I can't hurt you!" Donnie quickly fumbled with another needle as Raph began to thrash. As the sedative took effect, Raph turned to Leo and mumbled, "I didn't mean to. I can't watch you die again."

With that, his eyes slid shut, leaving his brothers stunned. Mikey whimpered and grabbed Donnie's arm. "What's wrong with him D?"

Donnie sighed and turned to Mikey. "The foot shot him with some of the toxins from the fungus. He's seeing his fears."

Mikey stared at his hot headed brother with a pained expression. "I thought his worst fear was bugs." Mikey whispered.

Donnie gritted his teeth and rubbed Raph's arm, making him flinch. "I'm guessing after what happened this morning, he is scared for us."

Leo opened his eyes and stared at Donnie. "Why was he screaming like that? He kept saying he didn't mean to. What does that even mean?"

Mikey shrugged and Donnie placed his hand on top of Leo's. "I'm guessing that he was seeing us dying. I don't know how long this will last. We may have to wait a while." Leo sucked in a breath and they all turned to stare at Raph. "I'm sorry little brother." Leo said softly.

Raph moaned as a pain pierced through his head. He heard shuffling as 3 sets of feet came closer to him.

"You alright Raph?" A young voice asked. Raphs brain whirled in confusion. _-I should know that voice!-_ he thought angrily.

"Leave him alone Mikey." A tired voice responded. _-Mikey!-_ he thought, remembering his brother.

"Awe Leo! I just wanted to see if he was awake."

Raph forced his eyes open to see his blue and orange masked brother staring at each other, while his purple brother was messing with the IV.

"Mikey, Don said to leave him alone! He could have died for peats sake!"

Raph chuckled and rasped, "It's gonna take a lot more than the Foot to take me down Fearless."

Leo stared at him in surprise as Raph tried to sit up, only to be pushed down by Donnie. "Raph, lay down!" Donnie said firmly.

Raph grumbled but let himself be pushed down as Leo placed a hand on his shell. "Raph! You're okay!" Leo said, anxiety in his gaze. -He didn't even fight Donnie- Leo thought worriedly.

Raph sighed inwardly as his brothers stared at him. _-Why do they always do this?-_

"I'm fine Leo." Raph said, sitting up quickly, before Donnie could stop him. His vision went black for a moment, but he stayed silent, only the slightest twitch showing. When his vision returned, he saw his brothers still staring at him. "What?" He growled, causing Mikey to jump into Donnie.

"Noth... Nothing." Leo said, mentally smacking himself for stuttering. "It's just….."

Before he could grasp the right words, Michelangelo blurted out, "You went totally crazy! You ran out and the Foot shot you with something. You acted so strange. You scared me Raph."

Raph froze as Mikey's last words rang in his head. _You scared me Raph._ He grabbed his head as Mikey's voice bounced in his head. _-Not again! I can't scare them!-_

Donnie grabbed his wrist, but Raph shrugged him off, laying back down with a groan. "Sorry. I just have a headache." He mumbled, rolling over so that his shell was to his brothers. He could feel his brothers stares, but eventually, all 3 left the room.

He twisted over, making sure they were gone before sighing. He eased himself to the side of the cot before standing up, wobbling as he did.

He made his way as quietly as possible to the living room, seeing Leo and Donnie and Mikey all in the dojo, sparring.

He grabbed his Sai from the window seal as he made his way to the other side of the living room where his punching bag was hanging.

He growled and punched the bag, causing it to swing violently. He continued to assault the bag with growls that sounded animal like. When he finally turned around, all 3 of his brothers were staring at him.

Raph felt his face go red but hid it quickly with a glare. "Can I help you?" He snapped, inwardly wincing as it came out harsh.

Leo stepped forward and put his arm on Raph. "Are you okay Raph?" Leo asked, concern flashing in his gaze. Raph glanced at his other brothers and could see concern in them also.

He was careful to keep his eyes hard, but Leo had seen him slip. "Raph, what did the poison make you see?" Leo whispered.

Raph growled and shrugged off Leo's hand, careful not to actually harm him. "It was nothin." He muttered, his eyes glowering.

Leo frowned and stared right back at him. "Raph obviously it upset you. You were screaming the whole time." Leo reached forward, to touch Raph again, but Raph growled. He turned swiftly and pushed Leo away, causing him to stumble.

Immediately, Raph's eyes went wide with horror as Leo regained his balance. Before anyone could stop him, he fled out of the door again.

* * *

Casey groaned as a tapping on his window woke him up. As he looked up, he saw a red masked figure with green eyes staring in at him. Casey looked at him in concern, making the figure step back from the window.

Casey grabbed a jacket and climbed out the window, into the fire escape. There, he saw Raphael, his eyes wild, and staring miserably at his twin blades.

"Raph? What's up?" Casey asked, careful not to say wrong, knowing it would upset him. Raph only sighed and Casey smirked as he sat next to Raph. "Cmon Raph!" Casey said, lightly punching his shoulder.

Raph smiled slightly and set his Sai twins on the edge. "Something happened Cas." Raph said, staring at the blades. "It….. It scared me." Raph whispered, ducking his head.

Casey's eyes widened, not only because he had never seen his hot headed friend scared, but because he suddenly felt the presence of the other turtles, whether or not Raph knew yet.

"What happened?" Casey asked, glancing at the level above him and sure enough, seeing 2 sets of blue eyes snap shut, along with a brownish red.

Raph stared a little longer before rasping, "We were training. I got caught up and I almost hurt Fearless. Then, the Foot shot me with something." Raph tried to steady his breathing, but the words kept rushing out, making it impossible.

"It made me see things. All I could see was me accidentally killing my brothers. They died in my arms over and over and…." By this time, Casey could see a few tears dripping down his face.

"I woke up and Mikey said I had scared him. And honestly Casey, I scared myself." Casey placed a hand on Raph's shell as he let out a sigh. "What if I hurt someone Casey?" Casey blinked, confused by the question. "I'm sorry, what?" Raph growled and went to swat Casey's head, but stopped, staring at his hand in fear.

Casey wanted to cry. He had never seen fear in Raph's eyes before. Even when he knew he was scared, Raph normally hid it so well.

"What if I hurt my brothers?" Raph whispered, closing his eyes.

Casey heard a small gasp and Raph twirled around, but he saw no one. Casey knew they had left, and said, "Raph, that will never happen."

Raph growled and placed a hand on his Sai. "It almost did." Casey stubbornly shoved Raph's shoulder again. "But it DIDN'T! Raph, nothing happened."

Raph turned his eyes to Casey, his green eyes sparking. "But it almost did Casey. If I had hurt him…. I never would have forgiven myself."

Casey frowned and picked up Raphs blades, staring at them. "Raph, I know you well. This isn't you. You need to go back to the lair. I promise, I know you. You would never hurt your brothers."

Raph sighed and grabbed the Sai from Casey's hand, leaping off the fire escape, leaving him alone. Casey watched as Raph stalked across the alley, making his way to the manhole cover. "You could never hurt them Raph." Casey whispered, ducking back in his window.

* * *

As Raph entered the layer, he saw Leo staring at him. "Where's Mike and Don?" Raph asked, glancing around. "They're asleep Raph."

Raph let out an inaudible sigh as his brother said this. He turned again, however, when Leonardo's hand touched his arm. "Raph, we heard you talking to Casey." Leo murmured.

Raph pulled away and sneered at him. "Stalked much Fearless? I thought D was the mother hen."

Leo winced as Raph pulled away from him. "Raph, why didn't you tell us you were so scared." As silence engulfed the lair, Leo saw Raph's shoulders shudder.

"I couldn't help you Leo." Raph whispered, his voice hollow. "I killed you, and I couldn't do anything."

Raph lowered his head as Leo came closer to him. "Leo, I'm scared of myself. I don't know how you can even stand to look at me."

Leo's head realms as Raph said this. "Raph, you didn't do anything. You don't need to be scared." Raph growled and stalked a few feet away. "But I almost did. Face it Leo, it's like you always say, I'm a hot head."

Raph turned as he heard footsteps, believing Leo was walking away when he was pulled into a hug. He stood there before putting his arms around Leo.

"You will never have to be scared Raph." Leo said, his voice shaking.

Raph smiled softly and shoved Leo gently away from him. "Alright, alright! Don't get all mushy fearless." Leo smiled as Raph started to the stairs.

"Wanna spar tomorrow Raph?" Leo called, hoping he had judged his brother correctly.

Raph turned and stared at Leo. "Fine, but I won't kick your butt quite as much as usual."

Raph smirked and headed into his room, inside, he was smiling.

 **Aww RAPHIE! I'm so sorry I did this to you!**

 **me: *leaps forward and hugs Raphael.***

 **Raphael stands awkwardly as I hug him, before patting my head begrudgingly and pushing me off.**

 **Raph: at least you didn't kill me or whatever. But making me mushy? Come on!**

 **Me: I could never! I would hate myself if I killed you. Besides, I know inside you're a softie.**

 **Raph: *raises an eyebrow* can we just end this?**

 **Me: fine! But I will write more so that you are forced to hang out with me.**

 **Well guys, hope you enjoyed. Review if you want me to write more teenage mutant ninja turtles! Btw I used the age order 1. Leo 2. Raph 3. Donnie and 4. Mikey. Idk why, I just like this order.**

 **Raph: at least you made me older than Donnie.**

 **Me: yes I did now shut up and let the people review!**


End file.
